ignoring homework

yeah, i really should be reading a chapter for a quiz and writing up my plans for my upcoming paper, but instead i'm writing my first blog. constructive, i know. but right now i feel more like writing than reading (writing here, not writing my paragraph about my paper, because that's no fun). i'm not much of a blogger to be honest. i've tried to keep diaries and journals and the like, but i always forget about them or just don't feel like i have anything constructive to write and i don't and then months go by and i figure there's no point...and why am i rambling about this. boring. moving on. so earlier today while i was at work this song "Coast is Clear" came on. i love that song. i hadn't heard it in so long and it just struck such a deep cord in me. i feel like my coast has been clear for a really long time, just waiting and longing for that other person who will fill this empty, gaping hole in my life. even though, in all truthfulness, i don't want to get married right now. i'm still in school, and it just seems like it'd be too difficult to get married and be in school at the same time. and i know my mom wouldn't like it...adamantly. if she doesn't like that my best friend got engaged (admittedly, she's like family to all of us, but still, not really her daughter) a few weeks ago and might get married in between junior college and nursing school, imagine if her little baby got married before she was out of school. not a good situation for anyone involved. but would it be so bad to feel that something. or even a little bit of that something would be nice. sometimes i think i find it, but nothing happens. maybe it's because i don't do enough to make it happen. maybe it's just because it's not the right time. but i'm with jamie cullum on this one, except i'd change the "hers" to "hims" of course: "Walking down to the water’s edge Where I have been before If I don’t find my love sometime I’m walking out that door Some may come and some may go But no-one seems to be The person I’ve been searching for The one whose meant for me Biding my time, trying to find a heart that’s lonely Looking for her, my love my one and only Maybe I’ll dream, tonight about the girl who’ll be coming my way So I’ll take this chance and celebrate the day When I’m making my way through an open door I’ve got some love and so much more And I'm ready to make someone mine Making my way through an open door I’ve got some love and so much more And I’ll find her, ‘cos it’s about time You try too hard and it feels just like You’re running on thin air Why does luck happen by suprise If you don’t really care The past is gone the flames are out From fires that have burned New ideals and different thoughts From lessons I have learned Biding my time, trying to find a heart that’s lonely Looking for her, my love my one and only Maybe I’ll dream, tonight about the girl who’ll be coming my way So I’ll take this chance and celebrate the day When I’m making my way through an open door I’ve got some love and so much more And I'm ready to make someone mine Making my way through an open door I’ve got some love and so much more And I’ll find her, ‘cos it’s about time Got the feeling this could take a pretty long while To find that smile Put my faith in another piece of good advice Well I tried that twice Waiting for, a little something more To inspire, take me higher And I'm ready to make someone mine Making my way through an open door I’ve got some love and so much more And I’ll find her, ‘cos it’s about time It’s about time" and with that final song thought, i'm done. i'm tired and ready for bed and i still have to finish my paper proposal thing. i hate my life right now. well, not hate. just dislike. but for now (actually another song good ol' jamie does, funny that) i'm signing off. "goodnight moon, goodnight stars"