"everybody wants to rule the world"

i know i do. not really of course. i'd much rather just compensate by playing sims and only ruling a kinda small world. less stress (though sometimes those damn sims can be all kinds of stressful because they don't listen when you tell them to do things, or they get all angry and yell because they're tired and expend more energy yelling when you're just trying to make them go to sleep. moving on). so today, my life was definitely stressful. my big paper was due (i didn't get it done on time. i got it done at about six; it was due at 4:30. but it's only 5 points off for being late so i'll turn it in tonight (one copy has to be sent electronically while the other is turned in to his office. ick. i hope he's not there tomorrow morning when i go by. i don't want to see him. he's evil.) Anyways the paper is done, thank God, and I think it turned out all right. Hopefully, he'll give me a high A initially and it'll just get bumped down to like a 90. It is kinda a big part of our grade. if i ever become a teacher, i'm never going to give out papers like this. at least, not ones that are this anal. if it's that long, it'll be where they can like, experiment with writing styles or include pictures or something that's not just, "go find a bazillion sources and then use them to make a paper that won't piss me off, you pathetic cretin." i'll be a nice teacher. i promise. that is, if i'm a teacher. but i probably will be. gotta pay the bills somehow and i don't want to be working retail all my life (the scariest moment of my life so far was when my manager was interviewing me for my current job and she asked my major. when i told her what it was, she said, "oh, that was my major, too. and somehow i ended up managing a retail store." it was scary. i mean, she likes it okay and good for her, but i wouldn't want to do it. it's stressful and customers are annoying and snotty most of the time (of course, she can be snotty back because they can't do a lot to her) and i don't want to do this for the rest of my life. it's just a college job to help pay the bills. i'm meant for bigger and better things. aren't i?) of course i am. i'll be famous someday. it says so in my high school year book. and i'm going to make sure it happens so i can go to my 10 year reunion and rub it in claire's "most likely to succeed" face. most likely to succeed at what? dropping out of college to marry some redneck druggie who mooches off his parents? good for you! so this one looks like it's going to be a regular old non-sensical rant. but that's how i usually am. things aren't always extremely coherent and i jump from topic to topic, but it keeps things lively, don't ya think? so essentially all the stuff on my last post that got cut off was me talking about how i love to dance and really wish i could go out sometime with friends and go to a club and just let loose. and i divulged that some of my "secret single behavior" (pru knows what i mean here) is that i like to play music, doesn't really matter what kind (though lorenna mckennit can make things mighty interesting when you get a belly dancing jones) and just dance in the middle of my room (or living room if my roomy's not there and i have the music up loud, but usually it's my room) with wild abandon and not really concentrate on how good it is or how it looks. it's freeing and really fun and it makes me miss all the high school dances i used to go to where it was mostly me and my friends and we'd just let loose and damn anyone else watching and making fun of us. they were stupid, little people who'd be gone 10 minutes after prom started in favor of drinking and screwing themselves into oblivion, pretending their lives were fun when they never were b/c they were always worrying about how popular they were and whether sleeping with that guy or girl would up the scales a bit (wow what a rant!) while we just danced and laughed and acted crazy and didn't care what anyone thought. (before you start thinking i'm some puritanical ultra-conservative, know this: i don't mind drinking now and then, in fact i like it a lot of the time, but do it responsibly and do it to enjoy it, not just to dull out the world. and really, most high school people aren't mature enough to know how to handle alcohol, hence all the massive hangovers and "what the hell happened last night" scenarios i saw at school the next day. i didn't drink in high school; i thought it was bad (i am CofC after all), but now i see that it's only bad if you abuse it, but then so is anything you abuse (it could be said Dr. Peppers are bad for me due to how many i drink, but at least they don't make me black out and wake up puking. and i'm trying to cut back anyways). and i miss dancing out at the park at lacy's house, where it was just us girls trying to keep warm and have fun at the same time, with only a bunch of CDs pumping out music from my car and doing my signature "over-the-head-with-my-hand" move that always got the girls laughing, especially come prom time. i'd even like to go to Oplin (admittedly my signature "OTHWMH" move won't be so cool there, but i know how to two-step and line dance a bit so it's all good) and i mean to before i leave this town. it was one of the things i always said i'd do once i got to abilene: go to the clubs and go dancing (as in my hometown, we definitely don't have clubs in which to dance. only proms and friend's houses). and now i'm a junior and i haven't. how pathetic is that? hopefully sometime soon i'll go out with finley and her crew, or maybe me, evelyn, and simone will finally all go clubbing together. i really want to. soon. anyways, i have to go and grab some dinner before helping evy with her works cited page. good thing i already have my trusty MLA handbook with me. yippee. so that means i'm signing off now. "get out of this place while we still have time" (Jimmy Eat World, "Work").